2010: A new start.

2010: A new start. So, I'm not really one to have regrets, but I have a pile of them from 2009. So, I've decided to start the next few years with a few goals, and I'm going to share them with you all! Aren't you lucky...

1. finish school with good grades. This is a major one. I know I can graduate, I just need to prove to myself that I can work hard and get great grades.

2. pay for school. That one's pretty obvious.

3. do fun and adventurous things every 3-4 months. In the spring I'm planning to go zip lining. If you have any ideas for other fun and adventurous things for later months, list them in the comments.

4. build a community. This one may take a long time, but I'm starting now.

5. be happy. I have always had the ability to be content with whatever and wherever I am. I think this can be a good thing, but it also means I rarely fight for what I want. Well, I'm going to choose my battles (obviously), but I'm also going to start doing the things I want to do. Like zip lining and ... stuff

6. refuse regret. This doesn't mean I won't learn from my mistakes. However, if there is nothing I can do to change/resolve the situation, I will move on. I have already started this one.

7. find old friends and spent time with them. Introduce them to new friends.

8. party more! 'nuff said.

9. be vulnerable. REALLY vulnerable. With someone who can handle it.

10. relax! enjoy the year; enjoy life, and all the twists and turns that come with it.

There we go peeps. a few goals for me!

celebration of a decade

This is a celebration blog of the past decade. Truly it has been one to remember.

2000/2001

Woooowhee! So this is grades 11/12 for me. Awesome year by the way, and a great start to my blog! This was one of the years I went to Stratford ON, and except for two classes, this is also the year I finished most of highschool! Whew. I loved this year... The apex of my highschool experience.

I started working part-time and tutoring more often. I spent time with friends and just plain old enjoyed highschool! PS> I'm the one with the rifle. Of course. *wink*

2002/2003

I graduated highschool and started working full time to save for university. When I first started working it was 2pm-10pm, then switched to 6am-2pm, spent a summer working 10pm-6am, and then back to 6am-2pm! This is the most wealthy I have ever been at one time, with no loans, no school, no bills, and no car! It was great!

I spent TONS of time with my second family, the El Dali family. These are my younger sisters and brothers! *grin* Mariam is gonna kill me for posting this! In the fall I also started school at SSU!

2004

Oh dear. My first years at SSU. What a time! Putting off papers, crashing laptops, late nights, crazy friends and one wild roommate. I'm amazed I'm alive! Summer of '04 is also when I first lived in Scotland for a year and met my THIRD family, the MacDonalds!

2005

My second year of school was pretty amazing too! I spent a LOT of time with Sam and Brie. Second term was the easiest of all my terms there by far, and I spent SO much time chillin' at the local pub...

At the end of the year I travelled to Southeast Asia. The Philippines, Malaysia, and Thailand. I studied cultures, languages, and history. It was an amazing experience. I also had a LOT of fun!

2006.

After returning home from Asia I spent a few weeks chillin' at home and then moved back to Aberdeen and family three! I worked in the bar of the local Holiday Inn and had a blast. I rebonded with old friends and made new ones. Then, when my visa ran out, I went to Ireland for a few days!

Later that spring I met up with my classmates again and we travelled across western Europe. From campsite to campsite. Tenties forever Brie.

Then Brie, Chris, and I went to Scotland and we were all together!

2006/2007.

oh man. my final year at SSU. Such a fantastic time. Everything from new friends, close friends, apple picking, playing in rainstorms, HALO, Hallowe'en, birthday parties, and Claire visiting from Scotland. Woo! best ever!

2008.

To me. This is the year of Korea. for 15 months I lived and breathed Korea (literally). I may have gone with friends, but I also made many, many more while I was there. I love you all my Chingus!

Wait a minute! Claire was in Korea too! Hey, you're in my life in each year from 2004-2008. Sneaky!

I also went to Vietnam this year... and got my SCUBA license!

2009.

This is the year of boredom. 4 separate jobs. Monotony and depression. It is the most difficult year of the entire decade, although it is looking up here at the end. I have started school again, made amazing new friends (are you reading this Krista?), and have a job I enjoy. I didn't have a camera for most of this year, but I'll see what I can dredge up...

While the year hasn't ended with a fantastic bang, I've still got a smile on my face. Lets be honest, it was an amazing decade. Yay new year!

ch-ch...ch-ch...changes!

Alright, so I've basically had a terrible last six months and I decided a little bit ago to rediscover myself. I've come a long way, made a lot of changes, and wanted an outward reminder to myself to be myself. So I cut off all my hair. WOOO!!!!!

Afghanistan I: the land of drugs and death

I've been doing some research on Afghanistan, its history, and its current status. It hasn't been a fun time, but it has been an enlightening one.

Afghanistan I: the land of drugs and death

The country of Afghanistan has a long history of internal warfare, as well as consistent invasion by neighbouring (or distant) countries. The geography and climate of Afghanistan has had a strong influence on its war-torn history, often acerbating social and political strife. It is landlocked with a climate that varies sharply throughout its different regions. Each area, from the lush, green pastures in the north, high mountain plateaus, and desolate, windy desert, has been exploited and misused to the determent of the entire country.

Afghanistan is non-coastal, located in southern Asia, and is situated to the east of Iran and both north and west of Pakistan. On the eastern side of the country Afghanistan also shares a very small border with China. The north is predominantly pastoral farmland, with fertile grassy plains, cultivated fields, and rolling hills. It also has central highlands, which are mountainous and dangerous, encompassing the heart, and majority, of the country. Further to the south is desert, dominated by dry winds and unforgiving, harsh weather.

In the north farmers grow wheat, rice, and cotton, while wandering shepherds graze their sheep and goats. Although this sounds like the idyllic homeland of Heidi, the area has all but forgotten peace. There has been severe drought, destroying crops and herds, and land mines are scattered throughout the region, severely restricting grazing flocks. In the past decade much of the farmland once used for wheat has been transformed and is now primarily used for poppy cultivation. The seeds are processed to make opium and heroin, and nintey-two percent of the world’s opium coming from Afghanistan’s northern region alone, the result is a lucrative drug-smuggling business for terrorists like the Taliban.

Afghanistan’s largest region is the central highlands, an area which has played a vital role in the history of the struggle for control of Afghanistan. This area includes a large portion of the Hindu Kush Mountains, a part of the Himalayas. These cover nearly two-thirds of the country, and are so rough and treacherous that their name roughly translates to mean the Killer of Hindus. The ranges are unforgiving and rough, prone to earthquakes and sudden weather changes. This desert-steppe area typically has snow and strong winds due to its high elevation. The deep valleys and high, ragged mountains are a perfect hiding place for anyone who does not wish to be found, as long as such a person knows how to survive in such a harsh climate.

The mostly barren and windswept area of Afghanistan is located in the desert of the southern plateau. This area is close to the borders of both Pakistan and Iran, and is extremely unwelcoming. It is where the Taliban has its strongest foothold, spreading across the desert into Pakistan. The south is mostly infertile desert, with only a few rivers snaking across it, allowing for some fertile soil.

Regardless of region, Afghanistan is a broken country. The climate and geographical conditions are acerbated by warfare, political instability, and bloodthirsty religious fervor. The strengths of each region have been exploited, whether by drug lords or terrorists or both, resulting in a country full of harsh weather, violence, and poverty.

Check out a video about life in Afghanistan here.

Check out my other sources here, here, here, and here.

Next: a (hopefully) brief history of Afghanistan.

one day i rescued a shopping cart

one day i was walking to the store with a friend and saw this shopping cart.  all the other carts were safely tucked into their little corrals, but this one was stranded; smack in the middle of a small lake-of-a-puddle.  i was wearing heels, and it was november, but my friend and i decided it needed to be rescued.  so i walked out to get it.  while i was in the water the shopping cart and i hung out for a bit before heading back to safety.  yes, the water was very, very cold, but it was fun.  

i love these pictures.  they feel very 'me'

Photo credit: topherseto

click the photo for a larger view

moving on...

For the last seven months I've been back in Canada, helping my parents out and trying to get my life a little more organized.  Unfortunately, it's been a lot harder than I thought.  I'm easily distracted by, well, pretty much everything.  It started to seem like life was just happening and I was coasting along on cruise-control.  Shitty job, stuck in the middle of nowhere, no money, very few friends close by (none particularly close), etc... I've been off my game for a (long) while, and I decided to really make an effort to figure a few things out.  So, I spent a week with no facebook, no friends, (almost) no internet, no phone calls (except family), no books, no movies, and no tv.

It was a long week.  

I spent as much time as possible actually concentrating on who I am and want to be, my relationships, what I believe, my goals, responsibilities, where I want to be in a year or two, my family, and my friends.

Granted, I still went to work and did all my other life-related things (I also went to a wedding on the weekend and spent time with relatives).  In the end, it was totally worth it, and I'll probably make it an every-two-months habit (although maybe not for a week every time).  

While I don't have everything figured out (who ever does?!), I feel a lot better about myself, my future, and my relationships.  I have a more solid idea of what I want and who I am.  I needed that, and for anyone out there who is curious, here are a few things I've figured out about myself:

I feel trapped in my parent's house, but I have told them that I will not stay longer than another year.  They have that long to figure something out.

I feel useless and boring without money.

I eventually want to live within at least weekend visiting of my parents and sisters.

I want to make a community.  get married.  have children.  have a job.  keep learning.  volunteer.  get involved in projects.  travel.  not necessarily in that order.  

I need a certain level of stability and I feel like I don't have that right now.  

I want to save money to travel once and a while around Canada; maybe abroad when I'm more established and stable. 

I want to make a community of friends here. 

There's more, but I'm not going to share it online.  It was a very difficult week.  One in which I had to make some very hard choices and face some pretty tough self-criticism.  It was worth it though.

Great Water Solutions...

Self-Healing Concrete

National Geographic

Its not quite as advanced as Terminator technology. But a new concrete that can heal its own wounds may soon bring futuristic protection to bridges and roads.

Um... so this is one of the coolest and most productive inventions I've seen (except cloaking technology... that beats all in coolness)! This concrete will make buildings, roads and bridges, SO much safer! Say goodbye to potholes!


Living at Sea

National Geographic

Championed by California-based competition sponsor the Seasteading Institute, the high-seas homesteading movement is all about creating tiny frontier lands "where those who wish to experiment with building new societies can go to test out their ideas," according to the institute's Web site.

Don't forget to click through all the pictures! I'd LOVE if one of these ideas could be invented! Woot!

toxic waste's toxic waste

Dirty tricks and toxic waste in Ivory Coast

BBC

"It is the biggest toxic dumping scandal of the 21st century, the type of environmental vandalism that international treaties are supposed to prevent. A giant multinational is being sued in London's High Court by thousands of Africans who claim they were injured as a result of the waste that was illegally tipped on Ivory Coast's biggest city, Abidjan."

The biggest toxic waste scandal, and yet people are still sick, still dying, and yet Trafigura denies the waste is hazardous.  They have not been charged, and a lot of the waste is still there.  Makes you really confident in humanity, doesn't it?

Speaking of pollution...

Concern over birth defects in China

BBC

"The province of Shanxi in central China is one of the most polluted places in the world and according to government officials, the rate of birth defects in this region is six times higher than the national average."

We often hear about how polluted China is... but are we really paying attention?  When I lived in Korea there was a season called "Yellow Dust Season", when sand from the Gobi desert in China blew across to Korea.  This is relatively normal, and wouldn't be that bad if it weren't for the fact that the dust blows through Chinese factory smoke stacks first, making it toxic.  By the time it hits Korea it's a health hazard and people are warned not to go outside.  The air turns yellow, literally.  And yet, this is just the stuff picked up and dropped in Korea.  This article shows what happens in China.  It makes me want to boycott "made in China", although I'm sure there are severe economic repercussions to that too...

Things I fear

I have many fears, and most are illogical.  Water, heights, and speed are the three major ones I have been fighting most of my life.

Water:

Water is my nemesis.  It is my oldest and strongest fear, one which had been reinforced as an adult.  When I was very young I took swimming lessons and failed 'yellow' because I refused to put my head under water.  I was terrified of not being able to breath, and even splashing water on my face resulted in gasping fear.  I later made it past 'red', but have always been a very weak swimmer, and to this day am afraid of swimming without holding my head up and out of the water.  I still need to hold my nose when I jump in.  After a bad scare a few years ago, I was afraid of even venturing into water past my shoulders.  

Heights/high speed:

This is a childhood fear.  When I was little my sisters and I used to go to a park near our house, and there was a twirling swing.  Being the youngest and smallest, when my sister used to spin us around, she held my swing because it was the lightest and easiest with which to run in circles.  When she released me, my swing would suddenly soar up higher than all the others until I could almost touch tree branches.  In my little imagination I saw my swing breaking and me soaring across the park to my death.  It terrified me.  Eventually I started refusing to go in twirly swings, and never could enjoy normal swings without that twinge of fear and picture of the chain breaking and me sailing to my death.  

The breakdown:

I was fine with avoiding these things until I went to Southeast Asia.  While there I REALLY wanted to see the view from the bell tower of a church, however, that would involve climbing up a rope to the roof (no guard rails).  The rope climbing was fun because it was in the tower, but once up there I was, literally, on the roof.  Scary?  YES.  But the view was amazing, and I felt like a superhero once my shaky legs were on solid ground again.  That was the point in time when I decided to overcome my fear of heights, a little bit at a time.  From that I went climbing with Chris in Korea and even jumped on the glass floor of the CN Tower.  After every one of these major accomplishments I felt amazing!  

My fear of water was enhanced while traveling in the Philippines, and  I decided that I could not let it cripple me or I would never enjoy water again.  I forced myself to swim with a life jacket while in Malaysia (the water was dead calm).  I braved choppy water in Europe (with the help of my friend Allieren and an inflated bed).  I decided to face my fear head on.  Chris and I decided to go on holiday in Vietnam, and while there we took an open water SCUBA course.  I panicked while we practiced in the pool (when you have to go under the water and learn how to breath with the mask), but kept trying.  I found that every time I had to go from the surface to underwater, I would freak out inside and have to just allow myself to panic-breath while I held myself face-down.  Eventually my breathing would slow down and I would dive.  Soon I started to really enjoy myself!  Learning to dive showed me that I CAN enjoy being under water.  So I decided to boogey-board.  I had one paralyzing moment of complete and utter fear when I was under, breathed in some salt water and couldn't find the bottom with my feet, but after crying and shaking for a little bit once I found the surface (which was after the wave had passed) I went back in and enjoyed myself!

Now, I would say that, although I am still wary of heights, as long as I'm on the ground or in a building (no skydiving for me yet!), I'm not afraid.  I can finally thoroughly enjoy myself in high-up places.  I am still very cautious of choppy water/waves, but I KNOW that if I can calm down, I WILL enjoy myself and even forget my fear for a little while!

All of this is to say that fears don't have to stick with you.  I have learned to love climbing to high places, looking out from the CN tower, SCUBA diving, boogey boarding, swimming, and riding on the back of a motorcycle.  Six or seven years ago I would have loved none of those things.  I still get scared and panic sometimes, but the feeling of accomplishment I have afterward is my driving force.  I feel amazing.  I feel strong, brave, and ... well... like a hero.

In closing, check out this video.  Chris sent it to me and it reinforces how I feel about my fears.

my mom

This past weekend was the easter holiday, a time of visiting family and over-eating.  This weekend was a little different for my family.  Saturday was my dad's birthday, so I invited the weekend-visiting family over for a casual dinner to celebrate.  Just before everyone arrived, my mom fell while trying to open the porch sliding door.  She was obviously in a lot of pain, especially her hip, but everyone arrived right then, so she asked for some pain killers (an indication that something really was wrong) and endured the pain through the evening.  By nighttime she was too weak to go to the hospital, so my dad took her the next day to get x-rays.  I decided to stay home and clean up the dishes a bit.  At about 9:45 my dad called to tell me that she had broken her hip and was going to be sent to Ottawa for surgery.  I made phone calls to tell the visiting family members, Rae, and my parent's church.  When I went in to visit (and bring my dad some food) the doctors said she'd have to wait another day (Monday) for surgery.  My dad took the day off yesterday, and they took her in at about noon and put screws and a plate in to her hip.  She's in recovery now, and will most likely be in the hospital for a few weeks, although we're hoping she can be transferred to Almonte, which will be much closer and convenient.  She will have to get physiotherapy, and will be on painkillers for a while yet.  

I'll keep this blog updated if anything changes.