Friday, January 18, 2008

Living the life...

I'm living the life I have dreamed of for years. I am loved, living in a foreign country, and surrounded by children at all times of the day. I can afford to feed myself and I'm (sortof) paying off loans. I am content; and yet I have a nagging itch, a loneliness, a creeping feeling of discontent. For the past year I have been saying that I want to be in one place, settle a bit, relax and enjoy community, but that isn't what I'm doing. I feel sometimes like I'm stretched thin, my resources fading, and my composure beginning to crack. I want to go home, back to Canada, but internally I know that is no solution because I have no plan for when I return. I feel pushed and bent sometimes, with pressure cracks beginning to show. Maybe I need peace. I'm not used to living in a city, and although I have peaceful hills I can climb near my house, there is no silence from city noises. I'm a country girl stuck in a city of millions all living on top of one another. How do I find peace for myself in a city of chaos, noise, and uncomfortable cultural differences?

I have noticed some of my friends are also acting as though under pressure. Some from loneliness, others from frustration with cultural differences, a few with feeling powerless and impotent, and most with all of the above. How can I help? I want to be there for the people I care about, but I can barely "be there" for myself. I have always found meaning in helping others, but in a place where I feel crippled, my support often feels more like a hindrance. I'm agitated and antsy while also feeling morose and lethargic. I want to do something to help. I need to express myself , but I'm not sure how.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Alright, here's my New Year's Resolutions list:

Learn more Korean
blog more
care more about others and their problems
stop complaining, I have nothing to complain about
eat regular meals (at least two a day)
make a lunch to take to work
eat healthier
do dishes as often as I eat
stop taking taxis unless absolutely necessary
travel more
go hiking
be more adventurous (and less lazy)
decide on a school for after Korea
be happy about turning 25
read more
listen. really listen.

alright... that's it thus far. In the meantime, enjoy this awesome video from summer camp in Korea!