moving on...

For the last seven months I've been back in Canada, helping my parents out and trying to get my life a little more organized.  Unfortunately, it's been a lot harder than I thought.  I'm easily distracted by, well, pretty much everything.  It started to seem like life was just happening and I was coasting along on cruise-control.  Shitty job, stuck in the middle of nowhere, no money, very few friends close by (none particularly close), etc... I've been off my game for a (long) while, and I decided to really make an effort to figure a few things out.  So, I spent a week with no facebook, no friends, (almost) no internet, no phone calls (except family), no books, no movies, and no tv.

It was a long week.  

I spent as much time as possible actually concentrating on who I am and want to be, my relationships, what I believe, my goals, responsibilities, where I want to be in a year or two, my family, and my friends.

Granted, I still went to work and did all my other life-related things (I also went to a wedding on the weekend and spent time with relatives).  In the end, it was totally worth it, and I'll probably make it an every-two-months habit (although maybe not for a week every time).  

While I don't have everything figured out (who ever does?!), I feel a lot better about myself, my future, and my relationships.  I have a more solid idea of what I want and who I am.  I needed that, and for anyone out there who is curious, here are a few things I've figured out about myself:

I feel trapped in my parent's house, but I have told them that I will not stay longer than another year.  They have that long to figure something out.

I feel useless and boring without money.

I eventually want to live within at least weekend visiting of my parents and sisters.

I want to make a community.  get married.  have children.  have a job.  keep learning.  volunteer.  get involved in projects.  travel.  not necessarily in that order.  

I need a certain level of stability and I feel like I don't have that right now.  

I want to save money to travel once and a while around Canada; maybe abroad when I'm more established and stable. 

I want to make a community of friends here. 

There's more, but I'm not going to share it online.  It was a very difficult week.  One in which I had to make some very hard choices and face some pretty tough self-criticism.  It was worth it though.