Sunday, September 30, 2007

being away

Being away is hard. I'm living in South Korea and all I've wanted to do all day is jump on the first plane available and fly home. This is the second time in a month that I've felt this way, and it's not something I'm particularly prone to. The reason is simple: my family has needed me and I can't be there for them. My last remaining grandparent died a few weeks ago and now my mama is sick and has been in the hospital for the past few days. What would YOU do in this situation? I am bound by a contract for the next eleven months to remain in Korea. I have lived away from my family before, even in another country and never felt so distant and helpless. I have mounting student debts I MUST pay off, and quickly, which is why I'm here in the first place. I love to travel, and due to my mama's health I figured this is the only time I would feel comfortable away from home.
I was wrong.
I'm not comfortable at all.
And although I want to go home,
I can't.
The most I can do is calculate the time change and call my parents when my mama comes home. This is life, and despite my sadness and frustrated helplessness, I am in Korea, possibly not to return for a long time. I'm not sure what the best course for me is. Hindsight is perfect and foresight unpredictable. Therefore I will cry, stay, appreciate Korea to the fullest I can, and call home. Maybe cry a bit more.
And then enjoy my short time in Korea with my friends.

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