I'm living the life I have dreamed of for years. I am loved, living in a foreign country, and surrounded by children at all times of the day. I can afford to feed myself and I'm (sortof) paying off loans. I am content; and yet I have a nagging itch, a loneliness, a creeping feeling of discontent. For the past year I have been saying that I want to be in one place, settle a bit, relax and enjoy community, but that isn't what I'm doing. I feel sometimes like I'm stretched thin, my resources fading, and my composure beginning to crack. I want to go home, back to Canada, but internally I know that is no solution because I have no plan for when I return. I feel pushed and bent sometimes, with pressure cracks beginning to show. Maybe I need peace. I'm not used to living in a city, and although I have peaceful hills I can climb near my house, there is no silence from city noises. I'm a country girl stuck in a city of millions all living on top of one another. How do I find peace for myself in a city of chaos, noise, and uncomfortable cultural differences?
I have noticed some of my friends are also acting as though under pressure. Some from loneliness, others from frustration with cultural differences, a few with feeling powerless and impotent, and most with all of the above. How can I help? I want to be there for the people I care about, but I can barely "be there" for myself. I have always found meaning in helping others, but in a place where I feel crippled, my support often feels more like a hindrance. I'm agitated and antsy while also feeling morose and lethargic. I want to do something to help. I need to express myself , but I'm not sure how.