There's something about friends getting married that makes me sad, out of happiness for them and also mourning for myself. I know it sounds selfish, mainly because it is. I feel like my friendships are never the same once a person gets married, and it's not always the friend who is awkward. Something about marriage makes me pull away. Same with dating I suppose.
A friend of mine got married this past month and I missed the wedding because I've been here. To be honest though, I have only kept in touch on and off with him for years. I saw him during the summer and it felt so strange. I don't really know his wife very well either, which makes me uncomfortable. Some women just can't handle their men having close friendships with other women, and I didn't know what to do. Do I hug him after not seeing him for a few years or not? I hugged. He wasn't married when I saw him, but when I left I felt like I was saying goodbye to our friendship. This guy used to be like a big brother to me and got me through some pretty tough times before university and during my first year. Unfortunately, I move around a lot and our friendship kind of went on hold. Now he's married and living on a ranch and I'm in Korea, teaching English. I haven't kept in touch with his life and he hasn't kept in touch with mine. We've lost that common ground that keeps a good friendship. It makes me sad.
Too bad I feel that way about most of my older friendships. I have one or two friends that I've had for more than a decade, but I'm a notorious friend-abandoner and none of them are close friendships anymore. Soon, I would like to stay in one place and build a community of close friends. Maybe that's really my problem. I really and truly just need a long-term place in a community.
Korea is awesome, but I kinda just want to go home, wherever that is.